“Yes” and Goodbye
I have always had a problem with saying “No” to people for some reason. Whether that has to do with some innate need to please due to self esteem issues or lack of emotional approval from parents during critical developmental windows, or any other psychological dynamic you want to insert in there, I can’t say definitively (although I do favour some explanations more than others).
In any event, I went to the physiotherapist today. I have been going there since early this year to try and alleviate some of the symptoms from the pressure in my groin induced by Cymbalta last fall (here’s something of interest as well. While the provincial government won’t give a red cent for any kind of Asperger specific treatment for anyone over 18, they will give an allowance for unlimited physiotherapy. Your government at work for you), and while it hasn’t made any long lasting improvements, it does seem to help occasionally. Anyways, this guy is into mountain bikes, and since I bought a new one last November, he keeps asking me if I’ve taken it out yet. I did two or three times, but the bike rack I bought nearly fell off a couple of times, and I”ve been hesitant to go out since (plus it is very hard for me to exercise in broad daylight with people around). So he asks me if I want to go biking on the weekend in a week or two.
My immediate thought is “no”, but my traitorous instinct to socially comply betrays me once again and I find myself saying “Yes”. And from the minute I say it, I’m thinking about how to extricate myself. Usually, I’ll just cut off all contact with the person because I can’t call them up and say I don’t really feel like it. This of course breeds feelings of resentment, and, depending on the size of the area, earns me a reputation as an aloof elitist, which in turn leads to further marginalization. Gotta love the fucking public.
